Virgin Blog

I've been reading friends and acquaintances blogs and I've come to the realization that maybe blogging should be my way of communicating with the world. There are so many things happening today that I feel the need to change, to participate, to be less apathetic in an uncaring, cold world. My job is completely unfulfilling and though, as my boyfriend constantly reminds me, I should be grateful just to have a job, I am just enough of a Type A to need something with purpose, meaning, something to do! I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so depressed -- perhaps because my job serves no useful purpose. And my purpose is not to help people -- I already know that I don't do well with people with problems (can I even handle my own?) -- and I'm not particularly funny or witty, so it isn't to entertain others either. Perhaps maybe to inform them then? From a distance? I like my little world of few people; I feel no need to have a thousand friends or plans every weekend. But I do feel like people, especially our youth, need something real in their lives. Reality TV? Not real. Actors and actresses? Not real. The news? Not real either. Maybe my purpose is to bring them something real. So, that is what I am going to attempt to do here.

I read an ad for a job today, looking for people to be stormchasers -- tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc -- and I can't help but think that these people must have a hole where their heart is. How can they travel to these far flung locales to look at the storms? Death, devastation and destruction -- and they're looking at a writhing mass of clouds or a surging wall of deathly water. Am I just too sensitive? I know I'm empathic; maybe I've also become cyncial. How can anyone want to be in these places? I look at Houston and I think that I might, but for the grace of God, have been living there, and I can't help but think that being there would be too depressing. The Red Cross - that is my medium for sympathy. Send money and thank God that I live in Denver where the worst thing that happens is hail damage and icy roads. I cannot go because it would not be good for me. It would not be healthy. Which is exactly why I cannot work here any longer either.

Teaching computer classes to people who don't give a rat's ass about their future -- except if they'll contiue to receive foodstamps and public housing benefits -- is not my idea of a dream fulfilled. I once imagined myself a diplomat and could probably still be one if I went back to school (again). I've imagined myself traveling the world, writing books, taking photos -- never did I imagine myself a "teacher" to a bunch of people who barely made it out of high school. Elitist? No. Just honest. Do I defend peoples' right to screw their lives up? Absolutely. Do I defend their "right" to rely on the rest of us to live? Absolutely not. I know that people need help now and then. But our "support the underdog"attitude in this country allows these people to perpetuate the cycle of being poor. Many of them just don't care. As hard as that may be for some people to swallow, it's the truth. They would rather live in public housing, buying groceries with food stamps, than get an education or a job and actually be productive citizens. Maybe this is all very un-PC (and no, I'm not a Republican by any means -- God forbid this country elect McCain and Palin), but it is one of those honest issues that people don't want to face. Maybe they'll think they're being racist. I'm not. This applies to everyone who takes advantage of the system -- black, white, hispanic, asian, green with pink polka dots. Everyone. Times are tough; they're tough for everyone. Which is exactly why I think I should be able to decide where my tax money goes. I'm pretty sure that if the American people had a choice, more tax money would go to education, finding alternative fuel and energy sources, protecting the environment, and eliminating the national debt than would to this ridiculous war or to maintaining a welfare system that has completely gone to pot. Think about it: Where would you want your tax money to go if you had a choice?